Wednesday, November 19, 2008

Me, Myself and I


Monday, November 10, 2008

Guess Who's Back?????


Well I am going to state the obvious Barack Obama won....I am not so much into politics, partly because of the last 8 years of Bush, but I cannot help but believe in politicians again with a man like Obama leading...I am a little bias since Obama's father is originally from where I was born, KENYA!

I will spare you guys any political rants or exuberations, I am sure we all need some time to recover from the 18months of what seemed like the never ending campaign...I am having some elections withdrawl though...i miss the sexiness that is John King over at CNN with his Magic Wall...mmm no one can work that wall like he does!

SO....I finished reading Twilight and it was great and all, cannot wait for the movie to come out! I think I will take my 14 year old sister with me, she will be my scape goat for seeing a movie that will be filled with the TWEENS! OK I really liked the book but I have to wonder are we females that stupid? Are we willing to become vampires and foresake our parents for a dude....I don't know but blood is thicker than water for me....really females...lets wakeup!

Lets see...oh ya...postponed my GRE to december...i already paid the $50 rescheduling why do I feel like i am ready for this sucker wishing i didnt reschedule...le sigh!

Haven't written in a while...laziness...writers the 2 people who read my blog a the way a shout out to my non-blogging reader, he keeps up with my blog more than I...meaning I have more of a life than he does : ) ohhhh homes ama miss ya!

Monday, November 3, 2008

Life's Lessons

I am learning that being too caring and nice can be interpreted the wrong way. Maybe I need to scale back and tone it down.

Tuesday, October 28, 2008

Straight Face

I wish I could find a way to hide my emotions, my feelings. I am so easy to read, I never leave much to the imagination when it comes to my feelings. I want to be emotionless at times, or just not so easy to discern. I wonder how some of the people I know are able to keep everything so hidden and wrapped, yet one look at my eyes and they just spill the beans. I find it better to keep somethings mysterious, but my persona was just not built with that tendency. When I am joyful it is evident, when I am sorrowful the eyes give it all and when i am longing it is quite clear. I'd like a neutral countenance.

Monday, October 27, 2008

The Twilight in my Dream

I want to be 15 and reading Twilight. Reading it at the age of 24, it still has its thrills but I know an Edward Cullen does not exist. The boy that melts you to your core and makes you feel helpless. Ya, that's all for the storybooks, not for real life. But it's ok to dream, dreams make us happy, wishful, and hopeful. You can create your own little world in dreams, and make your life turn out exactly like a movie script. A little imagination and a sprinkle of desire can take us to the unimaginable. Can you do that with real life?

Saturday, October 25, 2008

Friday, October 24, 2008

I Love You Texas Because....

  1. I couldn't live in a place where they call coke, sir
  2. State-Fair-O-Texas
  3. We once were our own independent country
  4. When they ask me what country are you from, I say "Texas"
  5. 107 degree weather is the ISH!
  6. I can say "ya'll" and not have people look at me funny
  7. Wearing cowboy boots and hats won't cause stares
  8. The Dallas Cowboys are just the best damn team ever!
  9. Dr. Pepper is the best coke
  10. We say "thank you" and "please" and "Yes, Ma'am"
  11. everything is bigger in Texas
  12. best drivers in the world
  13. 8 lane highways
  14. the food....mmmmm....the food!
  15. beautiful people

Tuesday, October 21, 2008

OPEC you suck balls

Seriously...I filled my tank up today for $33, on my way back home. I think I wanted to kiss the guy right next to me...I haven't seen that number at the gas station since...god knows when! But my joy was short lived as soon as i got home and tuned on CNN. OPEC is planning to cut production by a gazillion barrels which means supply will go down and demand will climb causing gas prices to rise why would they do this when the economy is in the crappers!???!!! Because demand for oil has gone down due to the current economic crisis...OPEC claims to be losing about $1billion every week since the downfall....and I ask how many gazillion dollars did you (OPEC) make in the summer when gas was $4.00....FUCK!

Yes, I am mad, angry, livid....yes I curse put up with it....I remember during my junior year in college I was describing to a friend how mad I was at a professor for always picking on me to answer questions that even he couldn't answer...I remember saying "Fuck, I am tired of looking like a dimwit in that class!" I clearly can recollect this boy turning around and laughing saying"I didn't think holy people could curse!" The scarf on my head does not equate to holiness....shit I am human just like you are...just with rag on the head....

Funny how I wrote the below today in the morning and my desire to serve humanity got tested today at the gas station....a lady came up asking for some money for gas...i took a double look at her, she didn't look disheveled nor needy...i looked at her car and it didn't scream i lack money...something about her wasn't normal but i couldn't put my finger on what exactly...i decided to give her $3...that was all the cash I had....I watched her as she went inside the convenient store and I didn't drive off until she did...she put exactly $3 worth of gas....As I was driving off I felt guilty, maybe I could have used my debit card to give her at least $10 of gas...what if she had forgotten her wallet at home and didn't have any cash on credit card...and was in dire need of gas to pick up her child from school...all these thoughts came to my mind as I was driving off...what if I was in her position....i would hope somebody would have the heart to help without hesitance...

Running on Empty

Lately I have been having this feeling of doing so much yet receiving little or no fulfillment at all. Growing up I was an idealist, I believed that I could make a difference in this world. I had this sense of urgency to serve humanity, to do my part for the greater good of people but somehow along the way I lost all these visions. Is it growing up and realizing reality...I am still trying to figure that out.

I remember a local newspaper did a story on the private Muslim school I attended for the first graduating class of the school. The journalist asked me what I wanted to become and I knew right then and there I was destined for journalism, I didn't hesitate to give her an answer quickly. She asked me why I chose that particular field, and the answer I gave her haunts me until today. I wanted to bring to light stories of struggle, I wanted fair journalism to bring attention the views of the mis-represented such as Muslim-Americans. To give them a chance to share their side of the story, rather than been depicted as cruel callous beings.

I understand that maybe I wasn't destined for journalism, everyone is poised to change their mind a gazillion of times. You could grow up thinking that you wanted to be a doctor go to college and realize that was the last thing you wanted to do. But the core of my plan should have never changed, that of which to serve humanity.

Now, I just find myself chasing that dollar and making the wealthy wealthier. What happened to my visions, my goals, my dreams have they all been bought up by the mighty dollar? I cannot continue to live like this any longer, although I am fortunate that I am still young and able to turn around my life. I do not want to be 70 years old and wishing I could have done something. Coulda,! I am not going to look back at my life and dwell on the "ifs", I want to be that 17 year old again who could move a crowd with just a few words, the one who used to dream big with pure unadulterated plans. I want this empty feeling to disappear.

I remember reading Kerouac's On the Road once....and this line struck my mind:

"...because the only people for me are the mad ones, the ones who are mad to live, mad to talk, mad to be saved, desirous of everything at the same time, the ones who never yawn or say a commonplace thing, but burn, burn, burn like fabulous yellow roman candles exploding like spiders across the stars and in the middle you see the blue centerlight pop and everybody goes "Awww!"

that's how I want to become again!

Monday, October 20, 2008

We Have Bad Scarf Days

A lot of people have told me how lucky I am for not having to deal with bad hair days, since I wear the Muslim covering, hijab. By the way we do have hair, we are not bald under there. We may not have bad hair days, but we have bad scarf days.

There are days in the morning no matter how hard I try to ensure the perfect edge lining that frames my face it just doesn't work. And let me tell how important it is to get the perfect edge, because it could make or break your face. A perfect edge, and you get the right face structure balance, a not so perfect one makes you look very disproportionate, like you just got out of the operating ward from a face lift.

And then there are days where your scarf not matter how many pins you have fastened it with on your head just doesn't want to stick. So you end up having hair slipping all over the place. People think this is a sexy look, just a little exposure but not too much, the teaser. But it can be annoying as hell when one is purposely trying not to look sexy. Especially for me when I have to try really HARD not to ; )

Sunday, October 19, 2008

I Feel the need to see say it

I am not going to hide it anymore...I am Muslim and an American...and I love this country damn it...I am that woman that you see in the grocery store with the scarf on her head, who you probably think is uneducated, oppressed, and does not speak a word of english....well I am here to shatter those stereotypes...I am an educated, liberated, and a good english speaker...probably better than alot of people out if you have a problem with who I am...i suggest you don't bother reading my blog...Who I am shapes my views in life but that doesn't mean I ignorantly disclaim other people's way of life...Yes I am M-U-S-L-I-M...bite me!

Dream World

I would be you, you would be me, we would be one, we would be just fine
The ice caps wouldn't be melting and neither would I, mmh
I would just drive my big old car, and everything would be alright
And energy would just fall down right from the sky, yeah

Words would fly right from out of my mind, out of my mind into your heart, into your life
And everything would sound just right, and no one would stop me from drinking my wine

That's my dreamworld, that's my dreamworld, it's more than a dream
My dreamworld, that's my dreamworld, and I wanna live in my dream, (dream)

For the real world just don't feel right
I wouldn't spend my days searching for, searching for lost time, yeah hey yee (ooh ooh, dream)
I wouldn't be so damn sensitive, I'd let things go by
No matter what the weather, I'd learn to change, I'd change with the time, yeah he

And everytime I need a woman, she'd appear right by me
she hold me tight, treat me right, and tell me that everything is gonna be, is gonna be alright, alright

That's my dreamworld, that's my dreamworld

I would tell Van Gogh that he was loved, there's no need to cry
I would say Marvin Gay your father didn't want you to die (dream)
There would be no black and white, the world just treat my wife right
We could down in Mississipi and no one would look at us trice, ehhe he yihi

That's my dreamworld, that's my dreamworld, it's more than a dream
That's my dreamworld, that's my dreamworld, and I wanna live in my dream, (dream)


Dear Squirrel on Arapaho,

I know this letter has long been due. Sorry I got busy and caught up, but that doesn't mean I forgot about you. I didn't mean to run over you, I actually risked my life trying to swerve the car to avoid you, but to no avail.

You see, I don't think of you as tree rodents, no I am not Rosie O'Donnell. I think you are actually rather cute and harmless. It hurts me to think that you might have been crossing the road to go feed your little one. We humans keep on moving into your habitats leaving less and less room for you guys.

But I can't help but think that something might have been going a little wrong with your species. Ali, ran over a squirrel the same day I did too. Coincidence, I think not! I think there was a suicide pact among you, and I feel horrible to have been a part of that mission. Next time, please don't involve innocent humans in your gross dealings!


Saturday, October 18, 2008


How to Deal With Rumors and Unproven Accusations

[24:11] A gang among you produced a big lie. Do not think that it was bad for you; instead, it was good for you. Meanwhile, each one of them has earned his share of the guilt. As for the one who initiated the whole incident, he has incurred a terrible retribution.

[24:12] When you heard it, the believing men and the believing women should have had better thoughts about themselves, and should have said, "This is obviously a big lie."

[24:13] Only if they produced four witnesses (you may believe them). If they fail to produce the witnesses, then they are, according to GOD, liars.

[24:14] If it were not for GOD's grace towards you, and His mercy in this world and in the Hereafter, you would have suffered a great retribution because of this incident.

[24:15] You fabricated it with your own tongues, and the rest of you repeated it with your mouths without proof. You thought it was simple, when it was, according to GOD, gross.

What to Do

[24:16] When you heard it, you should have said, "We will not repeat this. Glory be to You. This is a gross falsehood."

[24:17] GOD admonishes you that you shall never do it again, if you are believers.

[24:18] GOD thus explains the revelations for you. GOD is Omniscient, Wise.

[24:19] Those who love to see immorality spread among the believers have incurred a painful retribution in this life and in the Hereafter. GOD knows, while you do not know.

[24:20] GOD showers you with His grace and mercy. GOD is Most Kind towards the believers, Most Merciful.

Saturday, October 11, 2008


Intellectually I am no Albert Einstein, but I am no Jessica Simpson either. Most people actually call me a nerd, for one i'd rather be in school agonizing over a 20 page research paper rather than crunching numbers in a cubicle. If I could go to school forever I would, and I am actually planning on it, wanting to go into academia and research.

Right now I hold a rather useless undergraduate degree. And, pretty much all undergraduate degrees are pretty much useless. I could not tell you nor care to tell you about floating exchange rates and imperfect capital mobility. But, I can draw really cute color coordinated supply and demand curves. And, I can also tell you that Karl Marx may have been a tad bit right about the perils of capitalism, seeing the current state of our economy.


And, to my shock my employer cared less the 8 semesters of knowledge crammed in my head. All they cared about was my ability to be a team player, effective communicator, able to analyze a situation, sound judgement, and sanity. All things I learned in Kindergarten.

So what does one do with a very useless undergraduate degree?

Well obviously you get a useful one, at a place called graduate school. But before, I embark on another academic triatholon, I have to take a little test called the GRE to measure my quantitative and verbal ability. Ya right! Let me tell you how much sleep I have lost agonizing over this exam. And that is my problem!

I am one of those kids, that gets short of breath before a test, my palms sweat, and i start thinking about every horrible thing that could happen to me if I failed the test. Something to the affect of turning into a failure and disappointment to society like having to sell crack to keep a a roof under my head. Yeah scary stuff like that! But, I have never failed a test, ok, maybe I have like once but once does not count. Actually, I am not one to get grades below B's, and mind you that letter is a disappointment for me, but before every test I have to go through the same routine of test anxiety.

Most people think that I pretend to do that, but for me it is realer than real. And this three letter word G-R-E is about to send me to the mental ward. No matter how many times I tell myself I think I can I think I can, it just does not work. Thomas the Train, sorry but repeating that phrase over and over again just doesn't cut it for me.

I had an awful dream last night, of being at the test center and having a dysfunctional computer which meant I could not take the exam. But the twist was, the testing center blamed the computer malfunction on me and they banned me from ever taking the GRE again, which meant I could not get into grad school! See! It is bad I tell ya.....HELP

Friday, October 3, 2008

"Now I am quietly waiting for
the catastrophe of my personality
to seem beautiful again
and interesting, and modern."
Vladimir Mayakovsky

Wednesday, October 1, 2008

Confusion sucks

I is confused....I hate that feeling of confusion, not knowing what to do or what direction to take. Knowing that if you don't do anything then you risk regret, but doing something carries a lot of risks with it too. That feeling where there is a battle with in and every direction that you turn to seems right sometimes and so wrong at other times. Right now not doing anything seems to be the safest choice but I am not one to make safe choices...oh well! Either way life goes on.

Saturday, September 27, 2008

Thursday, September 25, 2008

So going back to my old college and reuniting with some of my college mates made me realize something: how boring and drama-less my life has been.

My life right now consists of work, studying, sometimes the gym, sleep-wake, and the cycle repeats itself. No hanging out in the student lounge talking to the football players or dissing what people are wearing or not wearing for the matter. NOPE none of that. Just boring adult life. I wish life was college minus the all-nighters and deadlines. Even the all nighters were fun in their own way, sipping on 3 red bull cans, roaming the library like a determined zombie to stay awake for two more hours before the 7 am class. That was THE LIFE.

OH and lest we forget the drama! It was highschool just older kids. I somehow always got pulled into drama that I was completely unaware of. Thats what you get for having friends in different conflicting cliques. And yes there were cliques, that is not just a higschool thing.

So today, for a couple of hours I relieved college again. The gossip and the drama, the i think i am prettier than thou snotty looks. oh I miss those.

Wednesday, September 24, 2008

Yes Please I Would Like to Get Out of the Elevator First!

I have noticed something that really irks me.

The place I work might as well be the UN, because you can basically find every nationality under that roof. That's a blessing, right? Most of the times but not always. I am about to put on blast all people who are not of the American race (blacks and whites included), basically us foreigners. I can talk about them without getting fingers pointed at or being accused of being racist because I am one of them.

So, today in the morning, I happily got on the elevator from the garage humming to the tune "whistle while you work" because I was just too excited about another 8 hours spent in my cubicle nirvana. I like it when the elevator is empty because awkward 10 second silence standing next to john doe is just too much sometimes.

Anywho, I got on the elevator with a white a guy. I usually like going to the back of the elevator and just rest my back on the wall. Icky for you germophobes, but we breathe and eat them anyhow.

Akward silence ofcourse ensued in the 10 sec ride, as I tried to smirk while I was checking myself out on the elevator mirror. When we arrived on the main floor, white guy held the elevator for me to get out first!

Chivalry is still alive...well just in America and beyond dead elsewhere.

This is not just a one time occurance but it is something that happens on a daily basis. I have noticed most American guys will let a woman out of the elevator first while other ethnicities such as Africans, Indo-Pakistanis, Asian don't bother to do that. NEVER!

I am sure you feminisits will decry my need to be let out of the elevator first by a male as anachronistic and debuking the women's movement of equality, but oh well. I am not so much a fan of we must be equal because equity is more important to me. Equality would mean because I can get pregnant then the male species has to as well. And we know they could not handle that!

Point is foreign men....let women out of elevators first. It makes us feel good plus your mama taught you better. Oh and stop looking at us on the elevator mirrors because we can notice you checking us out!

Tuesday, September 23, 2008

Music Through My Ears

So I decided to blog about my top 13 favoritist tunes of all times, the list was going all well until I told a certain someone that I was composing such a list. I thought my list was pretty complete until that certain someone started reminding me of all these tunes that were my top but apparently justat the back of my head. So here are my tops of tops in no particular order, because quantifying the favorites would just be an emotional havoc as each song below has a special memory attached to it:

Ace of Base, All that She Wants: my first musical influences I can clearly remember. I remember boping my head to this tune on matatus on my way to school in Kenya.

Boyz II Men, To the End of the Road: For those who grew up in the 90's, we just know why they were just the diggity bomb diggity. I used to sing this song word by word at the age of 9.

Tupac, Changes: such an emotional song for me, just very real!

Sade, Love is Stronger than Pride: further comment.

Bone Thugs-N-Harmony, Crossroads: booo, booone, what you gonna do? this song made feel so gangasta, thuggish, and ruggish!

Erykah Badu, Call Tyrone: for all you Tyrones', get a job!

Jill Scott, Cross My Mind: Everyone can relate to this at some point..."into a room, across the room, out of the room" heyaaaaa

Dilated Peoples, Worst Comes to Worst: it's true my people's come first.

Roots, You Got Me: lyrical poetry just flows...

Backstreet Boys, As Long as You Love Me: who you are, where you're from or what you do...1997 Me, Z, and E giggling in the library fantasizing bsb singing this to us...because you know we are muslim girls coming from all over the globe, so they got us at "don't care who you are, where you are from, what you do, as long as you love me"....good times those they were!

Fugees, Killing Me Softly: Because even my MOM loves this song. Sing it Lauryn..."I heard he sang a good song, I heard he had a style, and so I came to see him and live sin for a while"....

No Doubt, Don't Speak: mmmmmm....

Usher, You Make me Wanna: Me and E dancing in front of class to this song,and the teacher walking in on us....

Anthony Hamilton, Charlene: never love if you can't give your all...just aint worth it.

Alicia Keys, Fallin': because some days it was GOOD and some days it was BAD....

Jay Z, Song Cry: no comment

Tupac and Jon B, R U Still Down: "I make you smile but you'd rather have what makes you cry" true huh?!?!

Eminem, Lose Yourself: Whenever I am angry at the world this song just gets me going.

Twalib Kweli, Get By: My early morning wake up tune on my way to work....

Maxwell, This Woman's Work: And after 4 years HE realizes......

21. Dave Matthews Band, Dreamgirl: : )

Sunday, September 21, 2008

And I Sing to YOU

Blasts from the Past

Funny, seems this weekend is full of blast from the past encounters of people I have not heard from in years if not a decade. One very good, and one VERY sour.

Blast from the Past 1: Brought back nostalgia of the golden days, the days where innocence was the norm, friends and lovers were sincere, stress was unknown, trust was never a doubt, lunch and recess were the highlights of the day, and growing up seemed so far away.

Blast from the Past 2: Brought back the pain and agony of trust, the strangling of the neck feeling when everything seems to be going wrong, the countless tears shed alone, the betrayal, the growing pains, the meaning of love, and the reason why I grew up.

But, experiences are what make us who we are, each blast from the past has taught me something that you can't learn at school, just those life lessons that seem to come at the most untimelyof times.

Friday, September 19, 2008

Tuesday, September 16, 2008

Say What...........

"Why shouldn't I be allowed to capitalize on my virginity?"

~A San Diego student using the pseudonym Natalie Dylan, who offered herself in an online auction to raise graduate school tuition money. thinking light bulb has just turned on!!!!


Smile Biatchhhhhhhhhhhhhh

One particularl lady that works at the cafetaria fascinates me beyond normalcy. She has became my social human experiment without evenknowing it. My hypothesis goes like this: if you do something so often eventually that subject will reciprocate back.

Cafeteria lady has never cracked a smile in the 18 months I have roamed the cafeteria looking dazed and confused watching people scavenger for food that is way below sub-par. A lot of my work mates avoid her line because of her gloomy outlook. It could be sunny and clear clouds outside but her weather is always gloom. At least you can always predict her, no surprises there! I never avoid her, it has became my mission to make her smile. While everyone just passes her line without the slightest words apart from "no receipt", without hesitance I try to make small talk with her about yesterday's football game "wasn't Romo something" I would say , "yaaaaa" in her monotone voice she'd reply. I am not giving up hope, like B would say, the Audacity to Hope!

I always smile at her, if anything a smile is charity to a person. Cheery, rosy, and determined everyday my mission is like the one yesterday. Any normal person would have lost hope by now, maybe she was born with a permanent gloom. Who knows? Gloomatitis, maybe?

This is not a Disney movie or blog? So the end of the blog is nearing, because frankly writing about her is a wee depressing, and there is no happily ever after ending in sight. She is today what she was yesterday. Was one of the Seven Dwarfs from Snow White named Gloomy, if not, we need an 8th dwarf? They need to cast her. Gloomy McGloomy.

Hypothesis testing still underway.

Friday, September 5, 2008

It's the little things....

Random white man at work greeting you with "assalamu alaikum"

Made my day, would have made it even better had it not being for the Italian Soccer Jersey!

Thursday, September 4, 2008

Sexiest Hurricane Name


say it like the swedes would...Gustaf

His Thoughts?

Say What...........

"Is it the Jonas Brothers?"

~Malia Obama, Ten year old daughter of Barack Obama after being told there was a "surprise" awaiting her on stage at the Democratic National Convention, it turned to be her father, appearing via satellite.


I would have said the same thing Malia!

Political Ramblings

barack obama is bigger than....? bigger than barack obama! a global sensation, more than a political celebrity, a symbol of hope and change.....but with all the glory and bruhaha....he remains a politician...he will remain a politician until he reaches office and we see the change we can believe in, in action, then maybe he will become a statesman in my mind!

Sarah Palin?????? Sarah who? Alaska what?? Cuts funding for programs for teenage pregnant mothers who don't have a home to live.....17 year old daughter pregnant.....the irony! One thing we can all agree on she is HOT!

McCain....72 years old....thanks for your service in Vietnam (a more unnecessary war than Eye-Raq)... back in the days I really liked you for being a republican who was not so ummmmm stood up to alot of Bush-ism...but again just like all politicians you change your persona on a whim....i want the old McCain back!

Oh Hillary how I miss you!

Monday, February 11, 2008

Tick Tock

I am really starting to believe that I can hear my biological clock ticking....24 equates to 30 yrs in female terms..and 38 yrs in swahili cultural years....gasp....they have lost hope in me back home I might as well tell them I plan to live with my 15 cats for the rest of my life...back to the clock...i am not kidding my body is telling me its time to start poppin mini-me ummus....if fetuses could pick what mother they would not be me...i love babies and the idea of molding someone to be exactly like me is very...enticing...but i have a very set in stone schedule for these mini-me(s)..

1 to 10 days old: learn to pronounce Mama

20 to 40 days old: master Al-Fatiha

4 to 7 months old: picking up a second language ( yet to be decided)

1 yrs old: 10 'juzuu memorized

2 to 3 yrs: learn french...oui oui

6 to 7 yrs: mastered Beethoven and Mozart

20 yrs: mommy hops to Paris for a 1 day shopping trip ever since child became bigger than bill gates

What a lucky fetus!

I saw this picture and Rumi came to mind:

passion pray. With
passion work. With passion make love.

With passion eat and drink and dance and play.

Why look like a dead fish
in this ocean


But with passion we fight a senseless fight....